Marriage is freaking hard. You feel me?

Two people come from different backgrounds, having different opinions,  ways of doing things,  love languages,  needs, expectations,  pains & pasts, and much more trying to mesh together and make it work. WOWZA. Plus, throw in the fact that the enemy wants NOTHING but destruction and seeks to steal, kill, and destroy your marriage in any way he can. OKURR back up, FELECIA. 

But for real. I had no idea what the journey of marriage would look like for us. And if you would have asked me before our wedding, I would have told you everything was going to be fine and good. But boy was I wrong! Here we both were newly married and feeling miserable, fighting, and not able to understand one another at all. This went on for about a year before one day I uttered the words “I can’t continue to live like this.” We are both stubborn and hard headed, and had stayed together because we were “supposed to”, but exhaustion and hopelessness set in. 

Why do I tell you this? 

Because you deserve to know that if you relate to this, you’re not alone. At the time and for most of our marriage, we didn’t know of other couples struggling like we were. Or at least they weren’t talking about it.

But we knew we desperately needed help, so we started on a journey of many many many counseling therapy sessions. And can I tell you something? It was the best dang thing we ever did. We took a step out of caring what ANYONE thought about us (because they aren’t the ones living our life anyways) and sought understanding. 

You don’t need what I’m about to give you- but you have full permission to do the same. Go find a trusted and sound therapist who can help give clarity, understanding, and tools that you need to thrive. We grew up with the stigma that counseling wasn’t really ok. But can I tell you something? The way the Lord used every single counselor, intensive, and tool over the last 5 1/2 years has saved our marriage.

Is Christ enough for us and our marriage? Absolutely.

But he’s given us the incredible gift of psychology and the ability to have someone look in and offer things we can’t see on our own through Him. And he wants more for our marriage than just behavior modification. He cares for you so deeply and wants you to have a fulfilling marriage. So don’t let the real enemy win and keep you from moving forward to obtain more. Even if you feel your marriage is average or ok. Seek out help and discover the fulfilment of how God created marriage to be. 

Are things perfect now?

Absolutely not. And we often have to remind each other that we are on the same team. But we have something major we didn’t have before: HOPE. And a greater understanding of why we keep fighting for each other every day (or moment, let’s be honest). Marriage is a direct reflection of Christ’s love for us, and it comes at a high sacrificial cost. And I would not take back the depth of what I know now, having walked through all the long & hard years. We don’t stay married anymore because we are “supposed to” or because we FEEL like we want to. But because we CHOOSE to everyday, knowing the greater purpose of it.

 

We’ve got a ton of great resources on programs, books, and retreats, so don’t hesitate to reach out! We are rooting for you!

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GABBY WIGLEY IS AN ADVENTUROUS DESTINATION ELOPEMENT PHOTOGRAPHER BASED OUT OF HAWAII WHO CARES DEEPLY ABOUT MARRIAGE.